Healing Journey

Rev. Dr. Kate Winters, May 22, 2023

I shake my head as I check this week’s calendar. On tomorrow’s space, May 23rd, I had written “Breaking Silence.” Never had I made a plan that had run so far off the rails as this one. I was longing for silence and what it would teach me when the universe decided there was another kind of journey I needed to take.

Instead of mystics and hermits, I was led into it by cardiologists and hematologists, the high priests of medicine. No matter how much I wanted to protest, I knew it would be to my own peril. So I had to give myself over – body, mind, and spirit.

The first few days after surgery are kind of lost to a maze of faces and medications. Fortunately, the most constant face was of my beloved Joel who kept telling me that I was alright. Most of the faces were kind, but none could anchor me like his, could remind me that I was still me in this very unfamiliar place, perhaps a bit lost, but still able to be found.

So, tomorrow I was meant to break my three month silence but instead I am going to see my surgeon for our sugical follow-up. Perhaps he will discharge me out of the hallowed halls of Maine Med back to life as I knew it, with some cardiac rehab on the side.

Will I then pursue my initial plan of silence? I think I need to begin with what I am needing now. I did not expect to be on such an intense healing journey. And I kid not when I say this journey is one step forward and two steps back. Well, maybe it is not that precise. There are also steps of side to side and times of simply standing in place. I knew this was true of emotional healing, but now I know that the body’s is not linear as well. And damn, this can be frustrating!