Rev. Dr. Kate Winters, Dwelling in Presence, October 29, 2023
Dwelling in presence. It has been a while since I began a post in the way first intended. Right where I am, paying attention to this exact moment, feeling the cool morning air pouring through the window onto my right shoulder, hearing absolute silence outside, a rare occurrence, seeing the wax drip down one side of my autumn candle creating new shapes. It is a peaceful morning, at least on this side of the room, as I sit in my newly crafted window seat under the window to the garden, the woods, the quiet.
This room, which I am soon to call my hermitage, is right now a perfect representation of me. Split in two. One side, a gracious invitation to prayer, study, and writing; three pens and cup of coffee on the window sill, a candle burning in the way of my heart, with a glow that draws me inward. There is a warm blanket on my lap sent by my brother while I was recovering and a colorful quilt made by my sister-in-law and friend, Lisa. The shelves are still mostly empty, suggesting treasures to come. This side of the room is made for something new – new growth, new discovery, new dreams.
If I turn to the left, it is a different story. Basically I see piles of the past. Boxes of books, papers, sermons, who knows what, piled up in a haphazard mess. The wall in front of me speaks of it clearly, the side closest to the bookshelves are painted “Azurite blue,” a rich, calming color. Halfway across the wall the paint job stops, and the rest is a shade called “Bagel”. Yes, I picked out the color years ago. I don’t know why. I have hated it ever since it hit the walls! It is ready to be covered up and put out of its misery, just like the mountains of dust covered boxes are ready to be gone!
Why has it taken so long? Perhaps I fear not knowing what to do, who to be, when the past is let go or integrated into the present. At this point, I can still claim to be newly retired, a work definitely in progress. Like my hermitage. What I need to remember is that a lot of hard work and effort is represented in that pile of stuff, a lot of my heart is in there. I should not be afraid of facing and bringing it to some kind of present order.
To be honest, I can feel the next stage of my life calling. It is time to clear the path. And that blue has so much more hope in it than the stale bagel.
Dwelling in Presence 