Rev. Dr. Kate Winters, “Dwelling in Presence,” October 31, 2023
My journal was calling out to me in the dark, what used to be the middle of the night has become the beginning of my day. How many years have I wasted these precious, silent hours asleep? Here I sit under the window at 3:30 a.m., fully awake and fully aware of my breath flowing and my heart beating. I am alive. A car speeds by and breaks the quiet…but it quickly returns and I am thankfully alone with my thoughts again.
Today is Halloween, but yesterday was one of visitors and treats for me. It began grey and raining. I even asked Joel if I could put off some errands until the next day so I could stay in my pajamas. It just felt like that kind of day! But a happy text channged all that when friends Katelyn and Isaac said they were coming to town, could they stop by? Henry was coming to visit! The last time we saw him he was just a few weeks old. Now, about three months, he was going to be a very different baby! For him, I would get dressed.
Sitting with the family and Joel in our small living toom, I became aware of two things. First, the brilliant sheen of new parenthood had burnished into a deeper glow. Joel thought Isaac and Katelyn looked tired. Perhaps. I just saw two people deeply in love with their baby whose lives had been totally transformed by him. Breathless excitement had become a strong and deeper commitment to it all. Upon laying out all the baby paraphenalia and changing him in the middle of the floor, Katelyn commented “We barge in and take over, change everything!” Well, Katelyn, that is what has happened to you and Isaac, isn’t it? Henry just barged into your lives and nothing has been the same since. But what a precious interruption! Even if a bit demanding. I hope you never stop barging in on us to share him.
The second thing I realized is that there is no denying that I am aging. In the past, if anyone put a baby in my arms, I would hold onto that little one until someone pried him from my arms! I would list cradling a baby as one of the top joys of life. But yesterday, I had to hand him over to Joel! Henry was getting heavy! I couldn’t believe it. Now Joel, at first reticent, clearly enjoyed this. And, I must admit, there is something about seeing a baby in this man’s arms that makes me melt. But I have to finally admidt I am too old to raise babies anymore. I will still hold them, however, until my arms give out!
Beautiful Henry was only the first of two wondrous visitors yesterday. A couple of hours later, Joel called me to the hermitage window and I saw two large wings lifting off the lawn and landing in a border tree. The barred owl had granted us a visit. I immediately felt that existential tug – between running to get my camera to save the moment and risking her departure, or just communing with this remarkable bird, feeling the presence of my mother all the while. Joel solved my dilemma by bringing me my phone, but dusk was falling and it was hard to get a clear picture.
What was clear was the presence of the holy, for it brought me the sense of connection with the dead, the living, all of creation in all of its phases. My mother, baby Henry, his parents, Joel, me, and the owl. That which is holy bonds us all together, for the God of love does not forget any of us children, at whatever age, in whatever phase, in this life or the next. Whether we have the sheen of newness or the burnished glow of experience.
So on this Halloween, I am thankful for yesterday’s visitors. Perhaps today, I will become one, carrying the same gifts of love.
Dwelling in Presence 