Next?

Rev. Dr. Kate Winters, Wed., April 26, 2023

I told Joel last night over a pizza at the local sports bar that I think I want to go back to school. Instead of crying out and shaking his head in disbelief, he simply said, “I think you should.” No matter that we have just paid off all our school loans a couple of years ago. He has known me long enough to realize that I am happiest and most myself when I am studying.

It has been a long time since I have had one of my “Aha!” moments when something new clicked inside my heart and head and I was so excited that I couldn’t sit still! I remember dancing around the library stacks at Northwestern because some unexpected insight set my heart beating and my mind buzzing. No, I don’t remember exactly what that insight was, but I do remember a nearby church bell ringing and I was in the process of writing. It is probably so much a part of me now that it feels like nothing special. But then, it was life changing.

It’s not that I haven’t learned anything lately. You learn a lot in decades of teaching and ministry. But there is something about focusing your whole self on a field of study that is intriguing and coming up with something of significance that is exhilarating. And then having the opportunity to talk about it with people who are just as interested. A number of my friends have told me that I have a tendency to start every conversation whether by phone or in person with “I have a question.” It’s kind of my nature. Some want to run the other way. One just rolls her eyes. I guess not everyone is always up for mental gymnastics.

But to be clear, my desire is not simply to study for study’s sake, or this time, to get a degree. I have realized that having the structure of a program is good for me. It focuses me. And right now I want to focus on mystical experience and faith development in elderhood. Well, at any age really. I have a sense that the connective experience that accompanies contemplation has been ignored by institutional faih communities and most programs of religious or theological education. This allows us to go on seeing “others” in a damaging way, a way that leads to violence. I certainly believe with others that what is needed is an evolution in human consciousness, and that it is time we begin to nurture this change.