A COUPLE’S WILD RETIRED LIFE

Rev. Dr. Kate Winters, “Dwelling in Presence,” August 3, 2023

The prairie lives on! No Mow May slipped into No Mow June, became No Mow July, and, lo and behold, it is August! Seas of grasses surround our house, and “seas” is the right word as the surface of the wild growth often reminds me of choppy waters in a storm. Nothing placid about them.

I am glad that Joel has continued to mow walking paths around the grasses giving a bit of shape and edge to the overgrown fields. Otherwise it might seem as if the whole house was sinking under all the turbulent life thriving around it. Also, the paths allow the various patches of garden that he has planted over the years to be seen. They are worth seeing – blue salvia, yellow and orange day lilies, deep rose coneflower, blue and purple delphinium, blackeyed susans, bright fuchsia phlox, holly, winterberry, and azalea bushes, foxglove, columbine, watermelon and blue hydrangea, brilliant orange nasturtium, and errant sunflowers planted by the birds.

Perhaps inspired by the unfettered growth around them, the milkweed and Joe pye weed plants have sprouted all over the grounds, strong and healthy. But sadly, we have seen very few monarch butterflies this year. Yesterday, we spied our third. We used to have two or three daily. Joel did follow this one and was able to witness it laying her eggs on the leaves of a milkweed. In years past, he collected the tiny caterpillars and fed them until they formed the chrysalis and then released the butterflies a few weeks later. But honestly, I think he is busier now than when he was working. He is designing and building a window seat to put under my new “hermitage” window and then building some bookshelves around it. He is starting up his pottery business and is often in his back garage studio kneading, throwing, carving, firing, glazing, and finishing his pieces. The yard and garden still take a good deal of his attention. And, of course, he took really good care of me while I was convalescing. I am blessed with an extraordinary partner. Tonight I plan to cook the eggplant parmesan he has been craving. I have to do my part now, and food is one of Joel’s favorite things! I might even add a blueberry cheesecake pie.

There are so many stories of couples who go crazy in retirement because they have way too much time on their hands, together. That’s not our story, at least so far. My idea of a perfect day is to get up at dawn and bring my pen, a journal, a book or two, and lots of coffee into solitude. Joel goes out a little later for his morning walk downtown where he will run into numerous people, talk to almost every one of them, then return to tell me all about it! I will spend hourse with nature, not so much out in it, but taking in the views from the windows or on the back deck. Joel will put on his hiking bootts, make his own path through the woods, find new birds and insects to study, take numerous pictures, bringing his whole body and soul into the surroundings. We seem to see and experience things in different ways – he with all his bodily senses, me with some kind of inner awareness and intuition. We are both enriched as we bring these gifts to one another.

No, it’s hardly perfect. You can imagine that our differences can become points of contention. He gets lots of energy when surrounded by people. I can only interact for so long before I need to withdraw. How in the world did I stay in ministry for over thirty years? And we stay married for almost thirty? I think it may be that introverted and extroverted energy can both be employed in serving and loving the people. Because we both did and do. Just as we employ them in caring for and loving one another.

I end with another glimpse of the seas of grasses outside my writing desk window. There is no wind today. The waters are calm. I will sit here for a little longer to see what they will teach me. At least until Joel returns from his walk with tales of life from out little city!